i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize