I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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