I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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