he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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