so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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