Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This house was built for laser tag.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize