woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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