Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Randomize
Follow @tfln