dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize