Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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