you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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