the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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