Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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