hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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