i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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