If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize