drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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