I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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