when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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