Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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