1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize