also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize