I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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