Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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