Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize