So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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