the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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