Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize