Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize