He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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