I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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