I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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