Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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