If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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