I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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