dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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