If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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