the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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