Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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