I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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