I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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