i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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