Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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