Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize