i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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