Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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