sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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