if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize