Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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