I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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