nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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